Monday, February 23, 2009

5 Minute Online Management Course

The past weekend saw me cram and get flustered with the voluminous files on my table. The worst thing was having the feeling that I was not getting the things done per my plan and schedule. As if I was like running erratically in circles. As if I lost my sense of poise and equilibrium which I always have. As if I dunno how to prioritize. I was bewildered and adrift from the piles of files as my mind lingered to what could have been an enjoyable and relaxing weekend - imagined myself sipping cups upon cups of coffee at my favorite coffee shop in the port city of Jeddah.

Aside from the reviews and reports that I had to finish, I still had to undergo a crash course on Cost-Benefit Analysis. I need to have these tools and formulas to complete the capital investment proposals for submission to top management for their deliberation and approval. Thanks Dads for giving me those Project Management pointers.

As always, my wife and kids are soooo understanding and supportive when I am in this kind of situation - excusing me from our skype rendezvous and messenger chats. My wife just quickly relayed to me that our eldest son Kevin J played his own composition together with his band (he's the lead guitarist and vocalist) at IF in Ayala Center. Well, that didn't end quickly... the stage dad in me started to ask so many questions on how he played and whether or not the composition was good...what genre of song, etc. One question led to another and at the end, the files in front were as thick as ever.

Early Friday morning, I was supposed to be sleeping but there I was in my work table at the villa with the signature Juan Valdez brewed coffee (Yes, I still have a pack of coffee candies and a pack of the famous coffee that I brought from Colombia last December). Bottomless mugs of coffee to my heart's satisfaction brought diuretic effects while I was trying my best to lessen the thickness of the files from the table.

Suddenly, my mobile phone rang with a "Private Number" displayed on the LCD. "Hello Jethro", oh no! "Hi John". John Kimpton is an American who recently came to NPC to help me out in our Automation Project. He was following up on the status of his company's proposal. Well, he learned that I was still working on it that very moment and he knew the pressure I was in.

Call me lucky but I'd rather say that I'm blessed to have many good friends everywhere who would support me in times like this ( need a Juicy...I already used this line when I tagged my blogger friends...hahaha). Well, John told me that he was gonna help me find a quick fix on my management issues. He assured me that he will give me a short management course swearing it was gonna help me out.

He then offered his help by giving me this 5-minute management course which I feel will help you as well. I went through all the pointers like a diligent student and had a scholarly review and analysis of the business cases presented. The principles taught are very important tools in management and I hope you will like this short course and will find it interesting!

The 5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,
When the doorbell rings,
the wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor...
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment,
the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk,
and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk
'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.
'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up..

Lesson 5.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey,
'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6.
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!



  1. Nabasa ko na to sa email a! Pero natawa p rin ako nu'ng mabasa ko dito.

    I chuckled dun sa Lessons 3 to 6, especially ung 6th!

    Nu'ng bago p lang ako sa Saudi, meron akong napulot na joke from old timers: Dito sa Saudi, dapat tapusin ang kontrata, hindi ung trabaho. Parang ganun.

    Wag na wag mong susundin un. Hindi sya maganda.

    Just take it easy. Hindi ko alam kung paano but no matter how insurmountable the work is, after some time natatapos din sya. Paunti-unti. Totoo nga siguro para sau ung kasabihan na "if you want something done, give it to a busy person".

    Ako...nagbibisi-bisihan lang palagi. hehe.

  2. Talking about consultants helping out i have a small story to share.
    There was a dairy farmer who had 500 cows. He wanted to expand his business and so took the advice of a reputed American consultant. After a lot of study on how to increase business the consultant bought a reputed bull to the farm and let it mingle with the cows. Days passed, weeks passed, months passed but the calf was just not happening. The farmer got frustrated but didnt let the consultant know. He promptly went to a small farmer nearby and shared his misery. Being a good friend the other farmer visited this farm just to have a look. On seeing the situation he promptly went near the bull and whispered something into its ear. The bull suddenly got active and in the very next cycle the cow became pregnant and in months gave birth. the same happened with the other cow as well.
    The consultant didn't understand what had suddenly changed and he approached the other farmer and asked him what he had done to the bull.
    The farmer replied that he told the bull "YOUR JOB HERE IS NOT TO CONSULT BUT TO PERFORM"

    Moral of the story- ...........

  3. To summarize it all, to be a manager, you need wisdom and a lot of common sense. Forget the technical details. That's the job of your underlings.

  4. Ayos ah! Kahit nagbabasa lang ako ng mga blogs, nakakuha na ako ng Management Course. o",) Salamat po. Gustung-gusto ko ang Lesson #2.

    Wow! Dapat po may videoNG naka-attach sa post na 'to, video ng performance ng anak nyo. Mana sigurado si Gabrielle sa inyo.

  5. salamat sa 5minute management course na'to...hahaha..

    karamihan bago sa pandinig ko kaya natuwa ako..

    ayos boss!..

    haya kahla muhandis!...

  6. Hi Nebz, talagang busy ako... you really wouldn't believe how workaholic I am...I'm glad u still had a good laugh even if it was your second time to read it... That's what bloggers-friends are for, di ba?

    I also heard that advise from a lot of kabayan here - hayaan mo yang trabaho... wala yang katapusan... good thing i didn't heed their selfish advice... tingnan mo kung saan sila?

    Hi Shahanas, Glad to see you here. How's India and your MBA? Hope to see you back here...We're full of experiences of those fool(ish) consultants and managers. I know you know what I'm talking about. Good thing the cow is kateer muk..if muk morgue or muk carban like the consultant, the reputed cow could have missed out those carnal sexcapades with the mother cows...hehehe.

    Blogusvox - Common sense is not so common these days. Sorry po underling lang kc ako dito eh...hehehe. If you're somewhere near here, drop by our place and you'll know why I'm busy running around the almost 3,000 hectare place.

    Doc RJ, hindi mo pa sinasagot email re ur popsie...tsaka hwag mong i-erase ang post mo ha dahil may mali...hehehe...wag na sorisori...I referred to Kevin not to Gabrielle as the one playing the lead guitar. Kevin is our eldest son - 2nd yr college and Gabrielle is a girl, 1st year at Science High.

    Alam ko namang gusto mo yung lesson 2 eh. Kaya magbasa ka ny iyong Bibliya at baka may ma pa hitch ka na madre...hehehe.

    Akala ko ang video na gusto mo yung nasa kotse si padre at si pala ang pang YouTube...hayaan mo sabihan ko na i-You Tube ni pader ehe ni sister pala...sori doki napagtripan lang talaga kita ngaun...hehehe. Peace man...peace!

    Tingnan mo tuloy parang isang blog na rin tong reply ko sa comment niyo...

  7. Halla halla Prof, salamat naman at napadalaw ang golden blogger... di cguro bc sa pagdodrowing at pagle-lecture sa klasrum...

    Duda ko type mo ung lesson #2, kaya kung ako ikaw mag-aral ka ng arabic para kung may mag-hitch ride sa iyo, alam mo ang kanyang tinutukoy...kwais?

  8. Hmmm.. astig tong management course mo ha.. Naaliw ako.
    Siguro pinariringgan ako.. hahaha.

  9. Hi eDs, Wala namang pinaparinggan ah...bato-bato sa langit na lang ang matamaan bukol...ehe.
    Sige i-blog mo na ung "what's next" mo para makabawi...hehehe. Ano nga kaya un ano?

  10. marhaba!!!kefel hal kabir modir?kwayes inta kamsa dagiga hay talking arabic is fun nakakatuwa para kang sinsapian ng ligaw na espiritu lol

    oi up din ba si kevin tulad mo modir nj?talentado pala sya.

    oh u love coffee pala ano name ng favorite coffee shop?

    oi modir nj paganda ng paganda blog the content and the page itself from music to visitors

  11. mighty dacz, ana kwais... well, each one has his own interest... kevin loves to jam n gig all the time. when i ask him if he has finished studying...well, oh well he says he's done at the library daw...nobody knows. only the grades will tell. by God's grace nakakalusot naman. in fairness to him, he's a voracious reader and a computer games addict...hahaha. the 2 other girls iba naman ang hilig...kaya nga kanya-kanya.

    sa kape naman, pag bagong sweldo e di sa starbucks sa obhur...pag katapusan ng bwan sa mga pipitsuging coffee shop na lang sa Balad...hehehe.

    salamat sa bisita. akala ko naghahanda ka na ng menu para sa mga lobo at uwak...hehehe.

  12. Huh! Ganu'n po ba? Parang nabasa ko sa anong post ba 'yon... akala ko si Gabrielle ang son niyo. I'm SORRY.

    Nasagot ko na po ang email, ah. Teka, check ko ulit ang sent messages ko.

  13. nagbasa ako kahapon, pero di nakapagcomment, ayaw ko na sana magcomment pero mukhang ayaw ko pahuli, hehe. Im happy for your progress in blogging NJ!

  14. Thanks a lot Kenj... Would you believe why I'm not the blog lurker that I used to be?... I just felt the warm welcome and support of our blogger friends here especially those bloggers that have been aggregated by ThoughtsMoTo KaBlogs... I also got to connect with other bloggers who are great bloggers too!

    You're doing a great job Buddy! And for this, my many thanks to you Kenj... Sabi ko na nga sa u kung kelan mo kunin sugpo mo eh...